Monday, April 18, 2016

the year of change

The past two and a half years have brimmed with changes. Changes to me as a person as well as those big, scary, and wonderful life-altering changes. Two and a half years ago I started talking to the man I was destined to fall in love with, and fell head over heels. I had never dreamed that being in love could be such a wonderful thing, that I could have such strong feelings for one person, that I could need that presence in my life so much. I've said it again and again, but Josh has been such a positive force in my life. He drew me out of my shell, encouraged me to do things I wouldn't have ordinarily done, and it's been healthy for me.

 In that first year, we went to Disneyland with his family, took weekly hikes, and had lengthy discussions  about our future together.

 In the second year, we got engaged. There was never a moment that I doubted my decision. I knew God had brought us together. Our relationship grew over the trials that came during the months of wedding planning--the seeming inescapable drama and stress. I graduated college and began working part time.

In the beginning of the third year, on January 16th, we were married, and despite all the trials and nerves, the day was so full of joy. I moved in with Josh, into the basement that we currently rent from his brother and sister-in-law, and we started building our home together.

Now, to backtrack, there was another big change in the second year. We made a mistake, and I became pregnant...the one thing I had always promised myself I would never let happen to me, that I felt I was strong enough to guard against, happened.  I was just over four months pregnant and barely starting to show when we were married. And for those four months I struggled with guilt and disappointment in myself in conjunction with the surge of hormones that came with the pregnancy. I hit a low point, and if not for constant streams of support from Josh and a few close friends, I don't know where I would be.

Those low feelings have since, for the most part, been replaced with excitement. To be completely honest, there are still those off days where I curl up in Josh's arms and just cry, because it's still tough (and I'm really hormonal), but in the end, what it all comes down to is that our baby, however she happened, is a blessing and a miracle. I can't wait to meet her shower her with love and kisses...feeling her wriggle around inside me is both the strangest and most wonderful thing. One of my favorite things so far has been having Josh feel her kick, and seeing just that joy on his face...oh my, it melts my heart. Josh and I have begun having long discussions about parenting and our hopes and dreams for our family, and what we are most excited for. One thing we are most looking forward to is experiencing things with her, and sharing our favorite things with her. 

So, this year brings with it even more changes. I am a wife, and soon to be (in less than two months!!) the mother of what I'm sure will be the most beautiful little baby. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you. ❤️

(And just as a quick footnote, these announcement photos caused quite a controversy among some people when I posted them on Facebook, because they misunderstood the purpose of them...It's difficult for me to explain why these pictures are so special to me, but to me they are symbolic of us moving past darker times and looking to the future with joy rather than remorse. Above all, baby is a blessing, and I don't want to think of her as anything but. )


  1. Congratulations on both of your announcements! God's blessing upon your marriage and family :-)

  2. Dear Vicki :) I can't tell you how much I relate to you at this moment! While I'm not currently expecting a baby, I made plenty of mistakes with my then-fiance-now-hubby that made for a very dark time for both of us... but it was also an INCREDIBLE opportunity to experience true forgiveness and love from God and to grow stronger as a couple. I wouldn't change anything, to be perfectly honest, I've learned so much.
    Anyway, congratulations on getting married and expecting a baby! You're going to be an amazing wife and mother!

  3. Congratulations, Vicki! I'm so happy to get an update from you!
    Oh my word, being pregnant and having to plan a wedding?! It was all I could do to handle one at a time! I'm impressed!

    No matter when your little one began, she is definitely a blessing from the Lord. I can't wait to see pictures when she is born!

    I'm still trying to adjust to the huge change of being a parent, but I'm so thankful for my sweet little girl. Parenting puzzles me so much - one minute it's bliss and the next I'm going crazy. Hormones do not help. ;)

    Anyway, sorry for the long comment. I couldn't be happier for you two, and I pray that the Lord will bless your marriage and the upcoming birth of your baby girl! :)

  4. Hey dear Vicki, I am glad to see your blog post finally. Although I know even when all this started couple years back but I enjoy reading this post.. You are prettiest bride & couple. I bet you will be a super cute mom of a darling baby!

    Whenever I look at your beautiful wedding card invitation, it makes me smile. You should be sharing that too in the post as it was designed by you. I am sorry I were unable to join your wedding ceremony. But my prayers are with you dear.

    Keep updating your blog!
    Stay blessed <3

  5. Your story is BEAUTIFUL. God bless you

  6. Ah Vicki, all your beautiful photos bring your story to life so beautifully ... remember that nothing that has happened in your last year, both the things you planned and the things you didn't, has come as a surprise to God, or been outside of the scope of what He saw when He created you in your own mother's womb all those years ago. He created the beautiful love that has blessed and strengthened you and Josh. In His love and mercy, He has brought astounding beauty and power out of the ashes of your repentance and darkness; and He has plans for your family beyond what you can imagine - and plans for you, too, your own special heart and soul.

    Thank you for allowing us to walk through this very intimate and incredible time with you, my friend! I will keep you in my prayers, and I can't wait to see what things God has planned for the next year of change coming up for you!!

    Sharing hugs and joy with you,

  7. I think this post is beautiful.

    I think your baby is going to be beautiful whether she was a mistake or not. It must have been really hard dealing with that when you tried so hard not to let it happen.

    And I'm just happy for you both. Congratulations. :)

  8. Congrats! I am so happy to see you back. God Bless you my dear. Thanks for sharing those enchanting wedding photos. Take care, and please keep us all updated when little one arrives.

  9. Congrats on your wedding and baby on the way. I've enjoyed watching your journey and thank you for your honesty. God bless you!

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