Monday, April 18, 2016

the year of change

The past two and a half years have brimmed with changes. Changes to me as a person as well as those big, scary, and wonderful life-altering changes. Two and a half years ago I started talking to the man I was destined to fall in love with, and fell head over heels. I had never dreamed that being in love could be such a wonderful thing, that I could have such strong feelings for one person, that I could need that presence in my life so much. I've said it again and again, but Josh has been such a positive force in my life. He drew me out of my shell, encouraged me to do things I wouldn't have ordinarily done, and it's been healthy for me.

 In that first year, we went to Disneyland with his family, took weekly hikes, and had lengthy discussions  about our future together.

 In the second year, we got engaged. There was never a moment that I doubted my decision. I knew God had brought us together. Our relationship grew over the trials that came during the months of wedding planning--the seeming inescapable drama and stress. I graduated college and began working part time.

In the beginning of the third year, on January 16th, we were married, and despite all the trials and nerves, the day was so full of joy. I moved in with Josh, into the basement that we currently rent from his brother and sister-in-law, and we started building our home together.

Now, to backtrack, there was another big change in the second year. We made a mistake, and I became pregnant...the one thing I had always promised myself I would never let happen to me, that I felt I was strong enough to guard against, happened.  I was just over four months pregnant and barely starting to show when we were married. And for those four months I struggled with guilt and disappointment in myself in conjunction with the surge of hormones that came with the pregnancy. I hit a low point, and if not for constant streams of support from Josh and a few close friends, I don't know where I would be.

Those low feelings have since, for the most part, been replaced with excitement. To be completely honest, there are still those off days where I curl up in Josh's arms and just cry, because it's still tough (and I'm really hormonal), but in the end, what it all comes down to is that our baby, however she happened, is a blessing and a miracle. I can't wait to meet her shower her with love and kisses...feeling her wriggle around inside me is both the strangest and most wonderful thing. One of my favorite things so far has been having Josh feel her kick, and seeing just that joy on his face...oh my, it melts my heart. Josh and I have begun having long discussions about parenting and our hopes and dreams for our family, and what we are most excited for. One thing we are most looking forward to is experiencing things with her, and sharing our favorite things with her. 

So, this year brings with it even more changes. I am a wife, and soon to be (in less than two months!!) the mother of what I'm sure will be the most beautiful little baby. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you. ❤️

(And just as a quick footnote, these announcement photos caused quite a controversy among some people when I posted them on Facebook, because they misunderstood the purpose of them...It's difficult for me to explain why these pictures are so special to me, but to me they are symbolic of us moving past darker times and looking to the future with joy rather than remorse. Above all, baby is a blessing, and I don't want to think of her as anything but. )